Depression Book

11/19/14

Last week we went to Park City and I forgot my Celexa (anti-depressants). At first I panicked (didn't sleep at all that first night), but what surprised me the most was I felt a lot stronger than I thought I was. So, inspired by that experience, I decided to cut back on my pills. After 3 nights of no pills I came home and went straight to 1/2 a pill each day. I am not going to lie. It has been tough. I have found myself extra emotional and feeling like I am fighting off feelings of anxiety and despair. Today and yesterday have been probably the toughest of them all so far. I am having a hard time right now getting myself to do anything and dealing with situations has been difficult. I just struggle with coping at all. I want to just give up and curl into a ball because there are dishes in the sink or a piano student is struggling to learn a concept or I need to get up in the morning. These are just normal everyday things, things that last week I would have handled great are just taring me apart this week. I am trying to take things slowly and continue to get things done, but the urge to just lay down and do nothing is so strong and hard to fight.

Two days ago I was at DI looking around and got into the blank book section. I found a cute one that is constructed out of a Chutes and Ladders book. I got it for no other reason than I thought it was cute. Only today did I realize that it is perfect to use on an emotional journey because what else is emotions but a series of chutes and ladders, highs and lows, rises and falls.

Today I was looking at my list of goals and realized that now is a perfect time to start on a depression book: words of encouragement to help me out when I need a pick me up. A tool to help with days of depression. And what a better way to start it than by seeking quotes and pictures that will help me during the exact time that I am feeling low. So I got on Pinterest and printed out some quotes and pics that touched me this morning and glued them in my book. It was good. I felt my spirits rise a bit. I am not out of the woods but it was a drop in my empty bucket today.

Still lots of blank pages to fill! Hopefully it can be a good friend when I need help.