Depression Book

11/19/14

Last week we went to Park City and I forgot my Celexa (anti-depressants). At first I panicked (didn't sleep at all that first night), but what surprised me the most was I felt a lot stronger than I thought I was. So, inspired by that experience, I decided to cut back on my pills. After 3 nights of no pills I came home and went straight to 1/2 a pill each day. I am not going to lie. It has been tough. I have found myself extra emotional and feeling like I am fighting off feelings of anxiety and despair. Today and yesterday have been probably the toughest of them all so far. I am having a hard time right now getting myself to do anything and dealing with situations has been difficult. I just struggle with coping at all. I want to just give up and curl into a ball because there are dishes in the sink or a piano student is struggling to learn a concept or I need to get up in the morning. These are just normal everyday things, things that last week I would have handled great are just taring me apart this week. I am trying to take things slowly and continue to get things done, but the urge to just lay down and do nothing is so strong and hard to fight.

Two days ago I was at DI looking around and got into the blank book section. I found a cute one that is constructed out of a Chutes and Ladders book. I got it for no other reason than I thought it was cute. Only today did I realize that it is perfect to use on an emotional journey because what else is emotions but a series of chutes and ladders, highs and lows, rises and falls.

Today I was looking at my list of goals and realized that now is a perfect time to start on a depression book: words of encouragement to help me out when I need a pick me up. A tool to help with days of depression. And what a better way to start it than by seeking quotes and pictures that will help me during the exact time that I am feeling low. So I got on Pinterest and printed out some quotes and pics that touched me this morning and glued them in my book. It was good. I felt my spirits rise a bit. I am not out of the woods but it was a drop in my empty bucket today.

Still lots of blank pages to fill! Hopefully it can be a good friend when I need help.

30 New Music Artists

I think I will take the definition of this one a little loosely and just say 30 artists...not necessarily on consecutive days.

#1: Paul Robeson: Black man, belting out with soul in the first half of the 20th century. Most famous for Ol' Man River from Showboat. My favorite: Let My People Go

#2: Harry Nilsson: Folksy crooner from the 70's. I ran across him because he recorded an album of standards in a very smooth style in sharp contrast to his hairy 70's image. After that I listened to some of his other, more popular stuff. My favorite: Everybody's Talkin

#3: Trudbol: One man barbershop quartet YouTube act. Young guy doing a classic style. My favorite: In My Life

#4 The Lower Lights: I have fallen head over heals for this group. They are a large group of musicians who are mostly white Mormons who sing gospel and folk hymns. I went to their Christmas concert. My favorite (really hard to choose!): Mary's Boy Child

#5 Str!ke: Discovered them from Provo City's facebook page. They are a local band there. They have a lounge sound with horns. My favorite: Warriors (M's favorite, too)

#6 Clean Bandit: A group with a similar philosophy as The Piano Guys. They mix classical with modern genres. The difference is they are British and they mix electronic with classical. My favorite: A+E

#7 Jake Shimbakuro: Virtuoso Ukulele player. The things this man can do with 4 little strings is amazing. My favorite: Music Box

#8 Gary Barlow: British Pop star. Former bandmate of Robbie Williams. I found him because he wrote the music for Finding Neverland and I really liked the catchy melodies in the musical. My favorite: Shame

#9 Kygo. European DJ with new age electronic feeling music. My favorite: ID

Cookbooks

I decided I want to show my cookbooks some love. I guess I collect cookbooks, as I have quite a few, but I never really use them. I tend to go to the internet for my recipes. So I thought it would be good to dust them off and find some new recipes.

Recipe # 1

Asian Noodle Soup (p.81) from Moosewood Restaurant Low-Fat Favorites

Most of the work on this recipe was on the broth. Which turned out very nuanced, if a bit too subtle for my tastes. I made chicken stock on the first day. The second day I added roasted garlic and miso broth to this stock. I used a very light miso, maybe a darker miso would have given a more assertive broth. At the table I added soy sauce and sriracha sauce and that helped a lot. To the broth I added tofu, somen noodles, carrots and cabbage. A fun Japanese type soup.  M liked it (she is my soup lover) but the other 2 kids didn't really touch theirs. Oh well, more leftovers for me.

Recipe # 2

Swedish Meatballs (p. 157) from Savoring the Seasons with Our Best Bites

These meatballs were FABULOUS!  I really loved how they were super flavorful and unexpected, very moist and different than my usual meatballs. I kept thinking as I was making these that they were going to be really weird (bread crumbs soaked in milk? capers and Creole mustard?) I was so glad to have meatballs left over to eat this week for lunches.

Recipe # 3

Broccoli Cheese Chowder (p. 77) from The Essential Mormon Cookbok

This soup felt...how can I put this politely...classic? It wasn't anything new or exciting, but I guess that this book is about Mormon comfort food, so I wouldn't expect anything different. It was an easy soup to make and the flavor was straightforward (I like things a bit more nuanced). The family liked it though...except K who won't eat broccoli.

Recipe # 4

Maple Glazed Salmon (p. 184) from 501 Delicious Heart Healthy Recipes

Tasty Salmon Recipe. I never marinade enough, but I always find that when I do I am happy with the results. This had a good balance between sweet and salty. I got my salmon from Costco. It always tastes the freshest there, however it makes me sad that it is also always farmed. I don't know where else I can go here in Utah to get fresh, but responsibly grown, fish. Maybe try Whole Foods? I know that the Aquarius Fish Company is supposed to be the best around, but they are so far away from me I have never made it there. They sell at the Farmer's Market, but I never want fish on Saturday and I don't know if it will last. <sigh> Anyhow, done complaining.

Old Testament Books

I can list all the books in the Old Testament from memory.

I have several on my list about memorization. This is on purpose, because this is something that I don't do very often and I am terrible at (probably because I don't do it very often). I specifically chose this list to memorize because I have a hard time finding references in the Old Testament more than any other book of scripture (is it just me, or do we LDS people seem to have lots more scriptures than most?). So I tried to run through the list in my head, just when I was cleaning, or sitting in the car, or waiting for someone. I would add a book every several times through and I have spent a good solid 10 days just reciting the whole list out loud and in my head: to make sure I have it down. I feel really good about this accomplishment. Going in the category of unintended perks: One day I felt frustrated and angry at Logan. He left out the door and unbidden my Old Testament books popped into my head. I found that by about 2/3 of the way through I was concentrating more on my list than I was on my feelings and those ugly negative feelings that had moments before felt out of control were quickly slipping away. It was amazing. After that I started reciting them often to calm the raging beast inside.  (Consequently, whenever my family hears me saying Old Testament book names, they ask what I am angry about...lol.)

Burger Love!

I am on a quest to discover new and different burgers.

 10/11/14
First burger for this quest:
Tommy's Original Burgers: Spicy Chili Burger

This burger was quite a bit in the heat department. It had chili and some hot pepper rings as well as the usual toppings. Very full in the flavor department. I think a bit much for me, but still unusual. Indigestion caused me to regret this one a bit later that afternoon.

10/18/14
Buger #2
The Little Brick House in Cedar City

I had The Ruby. This was essentially a Ruben sandwich with a burger patty added. I liked the idea, but unfortunately this sandwich fell short. The pastrami and sauerkraut were tasteless. The rye tasted like the butter it was soaked in and was too crunchy. Actually, the only bright spot in the whole sandwich was the burger patty itself. It was thick and juicy.

11/15/14
Burger #3
Davanza's in Park City

After the last 2 burgers which were good, but not great, I thought I would try to get something normal and stay away from the weird choices on the menu. So I got a bacon cheeseburger from Davanza's. I have to say that I was really tempted by the philly cheese steak and other hot hoagies on the menu, but I decided to stick with the burger for the sake of this challenge. I had a bite of Lindsay's philly and it was really good...definitely the better choice. But the burger itself was solid, if nothing spectacular.


11/15/14
Burger #3
Bumblebee's in Midvale

This is a Korean burger joint. Yeah weird. They mix traditional Korean foods with burgers and fries. It is in a terrible location, but still had a full dining room. Mostly it was twenty somethings. It was amazing. I went all in and got the Mr. Kim which is a burger with kim chi and a fried egg and other korean fixings. It was really amazing. A bit of heat, but not too much. We also got the k pop fries which were fries loaded with korean everything again. So good. I am drooling just thinking about it! I think this is my favorite of all the burgers I have tried for this list.

2/11/15
Burger #5
Scruds in Draper

This place got good reviews online so we went for lunch. Their thing is gourmet stuffed burgers. I went for El Diablo which is a stuffed burger. It was stuffed with chipotle cream cheese. That was an incredible flavor burst. Also of note were the fries which were from scratch and really good. I especially liked dipping them in fry sauce with a little hit of their wimpy sauce. I want to go back and try more burgers. This place is a hidden gem.

Birchbox

I get to cross the first thing off my list (only 100 things left to complete!)

I subscribed to Birchbox immediately after finishing my list and I received my first box this week. I am hoping to get exposure to some great products and expand my knowledge of beauty and health items. I was very excited to see the box in the mail and I am happy with the contents. I have shaved using the shaving cream, been moisturizing with the chapstick and took a shower with the foaming shower gel. There are still a few things in the box that I haven't used (a face peel, eyeliner, moisturizer). At the very least it is pampering mom time in a box each month! That should lower my stress level, right?

Puzzle-ing

October 1, 2014

While at DI today, I found a puzzle that I want to attempt. I really like the image. It is a painting by James C. Christensen. However, it is above and beyond my ability. I like a 500 piece puzzle. It is comfortably simple. I wanted to try a 1000 piece puzzle to push my limits. This one, however is 1500 pieces: well beyond what I would say is comfortable in a jigsaw puzzle. Yikes! I think I will have to put it away for a bit and get up the courage to attempt it.

New Purses for me

Found my first bag at DI (my favorite place to shop for them!) today. It is a large teal bag. Pretty excited as I really like the color teal, even though it is a trendy color right now and in 5 years or so I will probably regret liking it so much. Left the DI tag on because I was so proud...$2.

Purse #2 and 3 I got at Savers while we were doing a bit of Halloween costume shopping. I am trying to remember what I have at home so I can get different colors to match different outfits. I did well this time with the white purse. The red, Asian inspired purse with the embroidered butterflies and bamboo handle struck me as very fun. Next, I would like to aim for a purple bag and maybe a gray one. Or maybe the last couple will just be ones that really catch my eye. I will look for bags that fit my style and catch my eye. I am starting to feel really decked out with bags. I really like choosing a purse that day to match my outfit and going with it. As an added bonus it means every day or two I am cleaning out my things and changing my purse.

Purse # 4 is a new wallet to put inside my purses that I really liked and found when poking around at DI this week (November 17, 2014).

Temple Dates

Temple Date #1
October 1, 2014-Initiatories

Today I went to the temple. I had an awesome spiritual experience so I thought I would record it here. I have been having that nagging feeling for about a month now that I really need to make it to the temple. Every time I have the same excuse: I don't have the time to go. I really want to go and do endowments with Mike, but our time is so limited and I never seem to find the opportunity I am looking for. On Saturday I watched to the LDS General Woman's Meeting and it seemed to me that the speakers just kept saying over and over how important the temple is to latter-day saint women. There again was that nagging feeling! I thought about the week and the few free time spots I have and I thought "I just can't make it work this week." I left with a prayer: Please help me find the time to go to the temple THIS WEEK! I don't want to let another week go by. I didn't think about it much on Monday (more pressing issues came to the forefront). On Tuesday my mom and I were talking about things and she said "Why don't you go to the temple sometime this week and I will watch your little?" (in the interest of full disclosure, she has been offering this to me for the past 2 weeks...how thick can I be? Took me long enough) Honestly, the first thought that came to mind was, "I have too many things to do this week. I can't find the time." Then I remembered my prayer. Here it was: my opportunity to go to the temple. And I was going to pass it up again. So I thought..."nevermind the list, this is what needs to have priority right now." And so I went to the temple this afternoon (actually in place of a workout, but I feel okay with that).

Inside the temple I felt such a spirit of peace. There were things that I heard there that helped me find strength for the struggles I am facing right now. I feel like the next few steps on my path are now illuminated as things that I need to prioritize and do came to mind. I feel better prepared to listen to the Spirit and my leaders this week at General Conference. I am so glad that I made time for the temple today.

Temple Date #2
October 10, 2014

Today it was baptisms at the temple. So far I am on a great schedule to complete this goal and really loving the increased temple attendance and the blessings in my life. I took Logan with me...this was his first temple experience. I really enjoyed going to the temple with him. We went to the Jordan River Temple and had family names. It was a Friday afternoon (my kids were off school) and it was quite empty in the baptistry. Everyone was so nice and sweet and great to Logan, making a big deal about his first trip to the temple. I think we both had a great experience.

Overflow list

Believe it or not (I find it hard to believe), I found extra things above and beyond the 101 items I was looking for. Some things I want to do, but I am not ready to sink my teeth into. Some things I just didn't have time for. So I am going to start a second list here of things to add next time :).

Raise a guide dog
Study Isaiah in depth
Read Jesus the Christ
Read books by Apostles
Drive a convertible down highway 101
Buy an anthology of classic poetry, read and mark it
Regular massages
Try out a kindle
Learn to play guitar
Learn karate with Logan
Watch the Wonderwoman series
Teach a preschool music class
Spend a whole day alone
Have a "yes" day
Take an impromptu/discovery weekend trip
Go on a river rafting trip
Fill a sketchbook and learn how to draw
Learn classic face card games
Go to a Messiah sing-a-long
Study the Joseph Smith Papers
Buy and complete a puzzle with no box
Bike 150 miles
Pick a talk/scripture and repeat/read every day for 30 days
Buy a baby grand piano
Improve at sewing

Master List

This weekend I came across the 101 in 1001 concept. I might be a bit late to the party, but this is the right time and place for me. So, I spent a long while yesterday working on my list and here it is:

Start Date: 9/28/2014                               End Date: 6/25/2017

Total Completed 11/101

1.       Eat Dessert first at a restaurant 2/6/14

2.       See Thriller by Odyssey Dance Company

3.       Attend 3 new cultural festivals

4.       Try 5 new types of ethnic food (1/5) 1. 12/5/14 Peruvian Food at Puro Peru

5.       Eat burgers at 5 new restaurants (3/5) 1. 10/11/14 Tommy's Original Burgers 2. 10/18/14 Little Brick House in Cedar City 3. 11/15/14 Davanza's 4. 1/30/15 Bumblebee's in Midvale 5. 2/11/15 Scruds in Draper

6.       Eat at the Roof 12/26/2014

7.       Take a community ed. class

8.       Go on a date with my dad

9.       Go to the Curiosity Museum 1/9/15

10.   Visit church history museum to see art competition

11.   Attend the Opera

12.   Attend the Ballet

13.   See live Jazz music Arturo's Pizza in New York 4/20/15

14.   Go to This is the Place at Christmastime

15.   Pick Strawberries at a U-pick farm

16.   Buy a picnic basket and go on a fancy picnic date

17.   Rake and then jump into a pile of leaves

18.   Be Jem for Halloween

19.   Go for a winter hayride

20.   Own snowshoes and go snowshoeing

21.   Visit the Great Salt Lake

22.   Take a Hot Yoga class

23.   Take a self-defense class

24.   Hold Crow for 10 seconds

25.   Read 5 classic books 1. 1/16/15 Treasure Island

26.   Read the entire Chronicles of Narnia Series

27.   Choose 10 countries. Read a book by an author from each country

28.   Choose 10 countries. Watch a foreign film from each country (4/10) 1. 10/31/14 Great Britain: The Woman in Black 2. 1/1/14 France: Earnest and Celestine 3. 1/7/15 Saudi Arabia: Wadjda 4. 4/13/15 India: Jab Tak Hai Jaan 5. 

29.   Complete a Jazz piano book

30.   Listen to 10 classic Jazz albums

31.   Learn Chopin’s Fantaisie-Impromptu

32.   Listen to a new music artist every day for a month

33.   Write a short story

34.   Write 10 poems

35.   Memorize a poem

36.   Make a Top Ten list on Goodreads 10/22/14 (Favorite books of all time and started top 10 of 2014. See my books here.)

37.   Identify all the countries on a map of the world

38.   Take Pictures of 5 temples

39.   Complete a 30 day photo challenge

40.   Take a Day in the Life pictures of my kids and me

41.   Study math with Logan for 1 school year

42.   Watch an anime series

43.   Watch all the new Dr. Who 1/19/15

44.   Watch all the episodes of Jem

45.   Hike Angel’s Landing

46.   Hike the Subway

47.   Segway at Thanksgiving Point Gardens

48.   See the Ice Castles at Midway

49.   Visit San Francisco

50.   Go to Canada to visit Mike’s relatives

51.   Alaska Cruise

52.   Go to Mexican Riviera

53.   Go on a retreat by myself

54.   Ride in a hot air balloon

55.   Learn how to ride a motorcycle

56.   Buy a good quality flute and practice

57.   Take an institute class

58.   Memorize the Old Testament book names 10/17/14

59.   Read the Bible

60.   Write a Hymn from a Psalm

61.   Complete my virtue Book of Mormon study

62.   Memorize 10 scriptures

63.   Index 1000 Family Search records

64.   Read all of grandma’s books

65.   Prepare 20 names for temple work (3/20)

66.   Attend the temple 25 times (4/25)
        1. 10/1/14-Intiatories (Jordan River)
        2. 10/10/14-Baptisms (Jordan River)
        3. 11/20/14-Endowment (Draper)
        4. 2/14/15-Endowment (Jordan River)
        5. 3/24/15-Endowment (Manhattan)

67.   Have a service day: 10 RAOK in 1 day

68.   Send 50 handwritten notes (1/50) 1. Norma Lambert: 11/1/14

69.   Take bread and jam to someone 10 times(4/10)
        1. 9/29/14: Coralee Van Wagner, 2. 9/29/14: Sharon Heward, 3. 2/16/15 Vicki Hawkins, 4.                 2/16/15 Lucy Bateman

70.   Don’t say anything negative for 1 day

71.   Volunteer somewhere new

72.   Finish 1001 gifts list

73.   Learn how to make caramels

74.   Learn to make rice crispy treats

75.   Make a successful loaf of whole wheat sourdough bread

76.   Make homemade pasta

77.   Create an heirloom cookbook

78.   Subscribe to Cooking Light. Make 3 dishes out of a single issue 3 times. (Subscribed 11/19/14)

79.   Cook 20 new recipes from cookbooks I own (4/20)

80.   Do the flower origami box

81.   Fill in the Zentangle book

82.   Make 10 things (not food) from Pinterest

83.   Make a quilt

84.   Learn to knit

85.  Increase my board game collection by 25 games (19/25)
       1. Caverna
       2. Game of the States
       3. X-Men Dice masters
       4. Yahtzee Jackpot
       5. Love Letter
       6. Libertalia
       7. Rise of Augustus
       8. Panic Station
       9. Hanabi
       10. The Castles of Mad King Ludwig
       11. The Three Little Pigs
       12. Masters of Commerce
       13. Whoowasit?
       14. The Magic Labrinth
       15. Prime Climb
       16. Time's Up
       17. Star Realms
       18. Battle Sheep
       19. Concept

86.   Unplug for a week

87.   Write a blog post detailing a day in my life

88.   Complete a 1000 piece puzzle 3/15/15

89.   Stay in my PJ’s all day and be lazy (sick day doesn’t count) 1/1/15

90.   Make a book of ideas/quotes for battling depression (Began 11/19/14)

91.   Keep a houseplant alive (and happy!) for 6 months (Bought peace lily 3/15)

92.   Make a homemade beauty product

93.   Buy 5 new bags/purses (4/5)

94.   Make our will

95.   Donate my hair 2/13/15

96.   Join the bone marrow registry

97.   Subscribe to Birchbox 10/14

98.   Have a chocolate tasting party

99.   Have a favorite things party

100.                        Keep a record of this list on a blog (writing and pictures)

101.                        Put $10 in savings for each goal complete ($130/$1010)

To keep on track:

25 goals completed by: 6/5/2015
50 goals completed by: 2/10/2016
75 goals completed by: 10/17/2016